So kakainis ai...silent killer liar???
Currently I'm taking up the subject FTS (Field Trips and Seminars) which is part of my course. And obviously, money matters here. So, expected to be spending a big amount of it. Just right before any final decisions and meetings regarding with this, I've already contacted and told my aunts and uncles that I'll be using almost 12 thousand pesos. I informed and showed them the letter and everything in connection with our field trip. Therefore, they know about it.
But...
One afternoon, my uncle texted and asked me if I have already received the money. I replied "not yet or maybe aunt **** just didn't inform me".
Then last night... My uncle called me and we talked through phone.
He asked, "do you have any problem that you can't tell to your aunt?",
I said, "Nope"(confused),
He asked again,"so, tell me what's all about your field trip?" And so I detailed everything to him and the updates.
He said, "Ka, this is not the exact words said, just the thought. You're lying about the money and the field trip, It's what your aunt said. That's why I called you, I was just concerned because you said you didn't received the money I send to you" I WAS SHOCKED AND PAUSED FOR AWHILE. I wanted to cry because after all the respectful and gentle way of telling and informing them.
So,everything was all LIES? Was I just making my own field trip or what!? crazy stuffs! they're nuts!
Well, definitely and obviously, she really didn't even inform about the money. So, I knew it on my own. I opened the in-box of her phone, just right there...2 messages received. That's not a shocking part. "coz she really kept things that's for me.
Woo.. it hurts. I didn't know anything about the money and I was accused a liar. They're nuts again! If they're thinking that I just need money for my own needs and concerns, why would ask for 12 thousand pesos. They're crazy. That's why it's hard to talk and open to her some stuffs 'coz everything will just turn to nothing.
what a silent killer liar!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Here I Go Again...
Here I go again....
maraming bagay ang nagbabago. Kaya nga the only constant thing in this world is "CHANGE".
I didn't even notice na may baby na ang sister ko. First she got married and the next news I heard was she already got a child.
And ako...still the same feeling that keeps me from crying behind my shadow. I am matured in some things. Pero sa iisang bagay, kailanma'y... won't change.
Im getting 20. Imagine, i was just 17 then... tapos 20 na ako., getting older yet still the same.
Still the same kasi I'm still the "kaka" who was expecting of dreams coming true. Hanggang ngayon... Continuing to pray that I hope someday I can see her. I don't want to die unfulfilled. Nakakatawa. Everytime I make a blog, it's all about her. Kaso,that's the truth.
All I want is fullflment and happiness that nothing and nobody can cost to pay it. Is it immature if I don’t stop praying to see my mom? Is there something wrong if I act like a child? Is it wrong if I ask for happiness? Yung happiness that lasts until I break down...
Twenty years... Thinking of a portray of a family picture. I'm at the middle with face of a loved person, my Mama at my right side with her shoulders around me, my Papa at my left side smiling at me. Yet, I can never make a portray of it. Never. Because what I have now is the reality. That was just one of my dream na sana kahit yun man lang nangyari.
How I wish I could turn back time. Yung babalik ako in the past lives of my parents. I want to see them together. Even I''m just like a lost soul. Lost soul nga. I'm lost coz' I don't know where I'm going...I don’t know when I will realize to stop waiting from keep on hoping to see her. I never ask for a pot of money. Sana man lang makita ko siya. So that I could picture her face, her smile, and her eyes talking to me...
Everytime I celebrate my birthday. I can't feel the happiness. OO, masaya lang ngayon kasi you're with your friends. Laughing together and making new memories. Pero, paano yung "pagkatapos" nun? The pain kills me inside as it just gets bigger and leaving a huge hole in my heart. Don’t' I deserve happiness? Isang kahilingan tuwing kaarawan ko. But a prayer I always kneel down to. Yun lang... I know how impossible it is to happen, pero Ika nga., Nothings impossible if you believe. I always believe. I trust HIM kaya I don't stop hoping. I will never stop. And I really won’t stop, just letting it laid up as my imagination.
I'm not like a caterpillar that right after turning into a butterfly is already contented.
I was a child and turn into a lady. But, the same "me" crying all along. Trying to make myself calm. Looking for something. For that somebody. Fighting to ease the pain in spite of the scratches that cause it. But, why? I never see light that could wake me up.
Can I just cry and cry and cry until my tears run dry? I want to see her. I really want to hug her tight. I want to be in her arms forever. At kahit matanda na ako. My hair gets white. Kulubot ang pisngi. Malabo na ang mata , My wants and prayers won't change. Yun na yun pa rin ang gusto ko. I'm dying to see her and to have her in my life again. Ang hirap naman... How I wish I have powers to grant my own desire.
Sana nga, I also die kasama niya... So that I won't feel that I was left alone.
Letter to my mama:
Dear Mama,
I hope that as I'm making this you're at my side and nakikita mo how much I wanted to see you.
Musta? eh, kakainis my tears are running down. I know you're at peace. Very happy with Him. I hope nakikila mo pa ako. Sana hanggang ngayon ikaw pa rin ang guardian angel ko.
Alam ko you got disappointed and nagtatampo ka because there was times na hindi kita iniisip and since I got into a relationship. I am very much sorry about it. Pero alam mo, being with Joshua is a big help to me.
I feel joy with him. The unappreciated feeling was lost because of him. And I know nakikita mo yun.
I love you so much Mama. Minsan nalang ako mag.seryoso. And that is everytime may problem ako and I just write things down to make me good nalang.
Alam mo, in 20 years… I have lots of story to tell but Kung iisa-isahin ko pa yun that will take time and di kakasya sa blog ko.hehe
I can feel that you're really a great mom. Sana one time jams naman tayo. Hehe. Parang nag.abroad ka lang kaso nga lang super layo pa for a real world.
I love and miss you. I promise to be a good girl except in one thing. hehe. I'll be serious. I hold unto it. Di ko na ito paptagalin coz' I don't want to cry. I said to myself if I will write you a letter, sure talaga that marami akong sasabihin. Yet, wala akong masabi kasi ang alam ko , I can only tell my deepest and purest love for you kaya I became so speechless. But not really at all. hehe
Above all, I pray that you stay with me always. At nararamdaman ko na yun ngayon palang. Thank you for listening. And Thanks to YOU!
Love,
kaka
[updated: 07/22/2010]
maraming bagay ang nagbabago. Kaya nga the only constant thing in this world is "CHANGE".
I didn't even notice na may baby na ang sister ko. First she got married and the next news I heard was she already got a child.
And ako...still the same feeling that keeps me from crying behind my shadow. I am matured in some things. Pero sa iisang bagay, kailanma'y... won't change.
Im getting 20. Imagine, i was just 17 then... tapos 20 na ako., getting older yet still the same.
Still the same kasi I'm still the "kaka" who was expecting of dreams coming true. Hanggang ngayon... Continuing to pray that I hope someday I can see her. I don't want to die unfulfilled. Nakakatawa. Everytime I make a blog, it's all about her. Kaso,that's the truth.
All I want is fullflment and happiness that nothing and nobody can cost to pay it. Is it immature if I don’t stop praying to see my mom? Is there something wrong if I act like a child? Is it wrong if I ask for happiness? Yung happiness that lasts until I break down...
Twenty years... Thinking of a portray of a family picture. I'm at the middle with face of a loved person, my Mama at my right side with her shoulders around me, my Papa at my left side smiling at me. Yet, I can never make a portray of it. Never. Because what I have now is the reality. That was just one of my dream na sana kahit yun man lang nangyari.
How I wish I could turn back time. Yung babalik ako in the past lives of my parents. I want to see them together. Even I''m just like a lost soul. Lost soul nga. I'm lost coz' I don't know where I'm going...I don’t know when I will realize to stop waiting from keep on hoping to see her. I never ask for a pot of money. Sana man lang makita ko siya. So that I could picture her face, her smile, and her eyes talking to me...
Everytime I celebrate my birthday. I can't feel the happiness. OO, masaya lang ngayon kasi you're with your friends. Laughing together and making new memories. Pero, paano yung "pagkatapos" nun? The pain kills me inside as it just gets bigger and leaving a huge hole in my heart. Don’t' I deserve happiness? Isang kahilingan tuwing kaarawan ko. But a prayer I always kneel down to. Yun lang... I know how impossible it is to happen, pero Ika nga., Nothings impossible if you believe. I always believe. I trust HIM kaya I don't stop hoping. I will never stop. And I really won’t stop, just letting it laid up as my imagination.
I'm not like a caterpillar that right after turning into a butterfly is already contented.
I was a child and turn into a lady. But, the same "me" crying all along. Trying to make myself calm. Looking for something. For that somebody. Fighting to ease the pain in spite of the scratches that cause it. But, why? I never see light that could wake me up.
Can I just cry and cry and cry until my tears run dry? I want to see her. I really want to hug her tight. I want to be in her arms forever. At kahit matanda na ako. My hair gets white. Kulubot ang pisngi. Malabo na ang mata , My wants and prayers won't change. Yun na yun pa rin ang gusto ko. I'm dying to see her and to have her in my life again. Ang hirap naman... How I wish I have powers to grant my own desire.
Sana nga, I also die kasama niya... So that I won't feel that I was left alone.
Letter to my mama:
Dear Mama,
I hope that as I'm making this you're at my side and nakikita mo how much I wanted to see you.
Musta? eh, kakainis my tears are running down. I know you're at peace. Very happy with Him. I hope nakikila mo pa ako. Sana hanggang ngayon ikaw pa rin ang guardian angel ko.
Alam ko you got disappointed and nagtatampo ka because there was times na hindi kita iniisip and since I got into a relationship. I am very much sorry about it. Pero alam mo, being with Joshua is a big help to me.
I feel joy with him. The unappreciated feeling was lost because of him. And I know nakikita mo yun.
I love you so much Mama. Minsan nalang ako mag.seryoso. And that is everytime may problem ako and I just write things down to make me good nalang.
Alam mo, in 20 years… I have lots of story to tell but Kung iisa-isahin ko pa yun that will take time and di kakasya sa blog ko.hehe
I can feel that you're really a great mom. Sana one time jams naman tayo. Hehe. Parang nag.abroad ka lang kaso nga lang super layo pa for a real world.
I love and miss you. I promise to be a good girl except in one thing. hehe. I'll be serious. I hold unto it. Di ko na ito paptagalin coz' I don't want to cry. I said to myself if I will write you a letter, sure talaga that marami akong sasabihin. Yet, wala akong masabi kasi ang alam ko , I can only tell my deepest and purest love for you kaya I became so speechless. But not really at all. hehe
Above all, I pray that you stay with me always. At nararamdaman ko na yun ngayon palang. Thank you for listening. And Thanks to YOU!
Love,
kaka
[updated: 07/22/2010]
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